Where is the book "How to parent adult children?"

There, I have finally done it, I ruined it. It backfired!

Nearly 23 years of helicopter parenting and squandering my love and money on my one and only has come to a screeching halt -  my daughter Alexandra, who presently lives in Cambridge, England, stopped talking to me. It hurts insanely.

If it lasts longer than this weekend, I will do something drastic.

I will not fly to England, but I will draw a circle on the ground, kneel in it, and pray until she decides to let me heap love, praise and money on her again. The husband and I are already saving for retirement and give to charity and paid off the credit cards, so what else can I do with half my income?

This brings us to the topic of the post: How to parent adult children

My friend Monica posed this question two weeks ago when she was in town from Vermont and informed me that there were millions of books on how to raise and parent children, but where are the books on how to parent when they’re in their twenties and older, the rest of their lives? Or hopefully, just the rest of our lives. And another thing: Why did our parents not worry as much as we do and just provided shelter, clothes, three meals if that, and we turned out mostly fine? Why are we so overly involved in our offspring's lives and feel without our constant input they’ll never get up in time for class (college!), find a job, and from there, someone to marry?

I googled the topic and found one book, which I plan to read, and a few articles, but Monica was right; the information of parenting adults fits on the first Google page.

I immediately drew up a list of friends and acquaintances who have grown children, a disclaimer for Facebook to blast questions to my groups, and, most importantly, an expanding list of “adult children” who appear content, successful, and who still talk to their parents. Even their moms. What did your mother/father do right once you were done with high school in regard to giving you space? How much guidance did you feel they provided, how did you let them know when to step back, when to help you out financially, when to let you make stupid decisions, and hell, how to navigate the jungle out there on your own?

Monica’s son is not speaking to her because he blames his parents for misdirecting him. He lost his scholarship after the first year of college but stayed, works in a job he hates and will be forever paying back loans. He is 24, buried in debt, resigned, depressed and lonely. Monica is resigned, depressed and miserable.

I have the opposite scenario. My daughter yells at me from across the ocean (in all upper case letters) to stop telling her what to do, that I control her too much and send her too many emails and messages and hand her too many presents and she refuses to take it anymore. She ended her last message with “This is it. The End!” (It lasted 15 hours)

It reminded me of something, though: I left my country at 20 because I had it too good and needed a challenge…

For the rest of her time in England I collected all the articles and pictures and important quotes and included them in a care package which I sent to her once a month and which she absolutely loved.

She is back in America since three weeks and I am meddling since two...